All contacts, and especially those that happen for the first time, are extremely important for personal development. When we are born, we gain experience from relationships with parents, when we get older – we take the example from siblings, absorb the mentoring of teachers, and when we reach adolescence, we entrust the role of main influencers to friends, thanks to whom we open a world of true relationships.
What do we usually inherit from our first love and how do we use this baggage not to spoil a new relationship?
1. Lust for passion and a craving for a standard scenario
When you fell in love for the first time, you probably felt the heart fluttering in your chest, and in the abdomen crazy butterflies. And it would seem logical that you would expect the same when you meet a new love. But no, in front of you is an educated man with serious intentions, ready to take you to Europe every month and to the supermarket every week, and completely unable to read poetry at the moon.
This approach is understandable from the standpoint of youthful maximalism, but absurd in mature relationships. You may not understand it yet, but your needs changed as you grew up.
Focusing on the need for emotional turmoil and at the same time sincerely expecting reliability and loyalty from your partner, you will inevitably be disappointed in the hero of the new novel.
Of course, you can continue the search, focusing on the inner butterflies and the quality of the proposed adoration, but, believe me, this approach does not lead to family happiness. Much more constructive to admit that the previous tactics have lost relevance, and try to erase the first love stupidity, until it destroyed your current relationship.
2. To understand what you want and what you should stay away from.
Imagine that you went on a long-expected journey and returned with a lot of impressions or disappointments. When someone asks you what it was like, you know what to say, don’t you? So with first love – having lived a real adventure, you will know exactly what you have found, what you have lost and what you want, moving on. So never be afraid to tell yourself about it.
The single principle works in definition of both positive and negative moments – those with which it wouldn’t be desirable to deal in the future (for example, if the former was a terrible spender or had skittish character).